We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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