my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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