remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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