so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
