i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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