The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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