Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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