have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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