God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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