I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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