im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
