My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize