I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
