Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
