We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
