I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
