I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
