maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
