I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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