If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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