stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
