He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
