I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
