I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize