I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
