As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
