i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
