I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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