I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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