i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
