Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
