how can u be prego again
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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