I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
