I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
