I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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