Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
