maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
