Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
