There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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