did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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