I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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