honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize