I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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