I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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