she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i came on her dog
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize