I just threw up on my dentist
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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