Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize