youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
