DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
