the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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