You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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