they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize