Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
