sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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