She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
