I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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