My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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