R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
