you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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