yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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