last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
