Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize