Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
