If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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