im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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