also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize