sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
