Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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