why didn't you poke me back
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
